When you were still a babe in arms and spent most of your day wrapped up against my chest, we sat in a restaurant with your dad and ate lunch. You were probably 4 months old and would still sleep through meals, not even budging as I dripped guacamole on your head. I sat facing the door and a young man walked in that looked just like the boy named Sunshine from Remember the Titans and rather than swooning as I may have done in years past, I looked at him and thought When he comes back home I bet his mother loves him with a thousand hearts.
I saw him with the eyes of a mom. A memory that hasn't happened yet rushed over me and I saw you walking in the door as a young man. Tall, handsome, and so nice. You were happy to see me and all at once, I loved you with a thousand hearts.
I wonder if, when you are grown up, will I look at you and still see a boy? Will my memories keep up with how quickly you grow or will I always be 5 steps behind?
Right now, it's pretty easy to live in the present. Ours days fill up quickly and we have a really good rhythm. I don't spend the day wishing you were a baby or dreaming about you falling asleep on my chest. But I do get squishy when I sit and look at old pictures of you.
Here I go again, getting weak in the knees thinking about you growing up. I am so thankful for you and for your health and happiness and so so thankful that I'm the mama that got you.
Thanks for being my boy, my best boy. I pray every night for you health, your happiness, and I pray that all the love that we pour into you comes out in the nicest ways.
I love you with a thousand hearts. Now and tomorrow.