Monday, December 31, 2012

For auld lang syne.

Twenty twelve. One for the books.

Although 2011 was the year that gave us Eddy, 2012 was the year that we found our new rhythm. The year that our hearts grew bigger than we knew possible. The year that Lucy and I both grew a handful of gray hairs. The year that I fell more in love with this family, this husband, this life of mine.

I love that this is the time of year that we spread words of cheer to strangers and grocery store employees but what I love the most is when the phrase shifts to Happy New Year. There is a lot of promise in that little statement.

I've had years that I was so happy to see vanish in the rear view that each time someone told me those words, I clung to them with the tightest of grips. Yes, it's got to be better than the last. I always wonder if that's what my words are doing for someone else. In wishing Happy New Year, you may also just be saying Cheers! And here's hoping this year is just as good.

It's just the turn of a page on the calendar, the stroke of midnight. Just another day. But perhaps the start of something big.

I'm still cooking up a good resolution. I have found some inspiration on other blogs so I know that as a family, we will settle on something great.

Happy New Year. Or Happy New Year. Take those words as you need them.



Before tonight, you should learn all the lyrics to this song to impress your friends. Here's my favorite version.





Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and auld lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp!
and surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS
We twa hae run about the braes,
and pu’d the gowans fine;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS
We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,
frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin auld lang syne.

CHORUS
And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere!
and gie's a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.





A right gude-willy waught? If you say so.


 


Sunday, December 30, 2012

Say Thank You Sunday

We had an Instagram-rific day over here. It started out chore-filled and totally mundane. I can't quite figure out why it feels almost as good to take Christmas decorations down as it does to put them up. I guess it just makes things feel fresh. A fresh start. Appropriate for a new year.

After nap, we sat down to eat lunch together and then loaded the diaper bag for a family date. The Austin Children's Museum is free on Sunday evenings and Eddy felt like a total big kid. Next, we meandered through town and climbed Mt. Bonnell, watched the awesome holiday light display coordinated to music at Mozart's by the lake and ended by hopping next door to have dinner at Hula Hut. There wasn't a dull moment.

My heart is smiling.


This week, we are thankful for:

rum cake and egg nog (so noggy!)
Lucy the foot warmer
warm, fuzzy slippers
inspiring young people
#26acts
werewolf hat, y'all
time with our old friend Sadie
a hardworking husband
a phone call from an old friend
the exploration of new toys


hilly hilly and chilly, family photo on mt. bonnell, wannabe gamer, watching the lights, wereboy sighting, playing like a big boy, exploring with caution, dreaming big, young people spreading good























 It's New Year's Eve Eve. I'm still working on a resolution worth writing down and sticking to. I'll sleep on it.





Friday, December 28, 2012

Obsessed.

This week, I'm obsessed with these two.



Peas in a pod, this pair. While the tinier of the two is currently exceptionally obsessed with me, Tim needs to know that there will come a day, sooner than we know, when the tiny one is a bit bigger and his papa coming home from work is the best part of his day. When he can't wait to toss a ball in the backyard or help build something. Sooner than we know.

And this week, Eddy is obsessed with - in addition to his "Mamamama" - clapping! His cue is the word good so anytime he hears "Good job!" or "Good idea!" or "Good boy!" he clap clap claps. He also checks to make sure that everyone around him is sharing in his victory and if you aren't, ooooeeee he'll cut his eyes at you.

Clapping sun up to sun down, he even claps as he nurses to sleep. I guess it's just that good.

Obsessed with this little crew of mine.




Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Say Thank *Tuesday*

It's Christmas. Really really the most wonderful time of the year.

Last Christmas, I never got out of my robe as I held a brand new, still fuzzy, cozy little Eddy who slept and nursed all day. It was magic.

This Christmas, I showered early while Tim watched Eddy and I had the chance, cooked breakfast for 10, and spent the rest of the day Eddy chasing, unwrapping, and nursing. It was magic.

It has worked out that just when Christmas had lost a bit of its luster, just when the focus had shifted more to whether gifts were disappointing to the recipient rather than to what it's really all about, a baby boy was born that breathed new life into the day.

If Christmas was scored by the stack of gifts sitting in front of you to unwrap then Eddy was the winner. But we got to watch him, catch his smiles, feel his warmth all day so I think we're the winners.

This week, we are thankful for:

Our one year old
A 12 mile run + 1 more for good measure (can't believe I'm saying I'm thankful for that)
Lucy after a bath (and always)
homemade gumbo and chili
A full house and a very full dining room table
Many miles traveled safely
New artwork for our house
handmade gifts
The generosity of friends and family
cozy new slippers
Skype
Egg nog
3 dog nights


fish under the bridge, flash card practice, water stop, first successful screen print, christmas eve run, looking up in san antonio, one in balloons, christmas day drum circle, bed head ed, luminarias, my sugar plum, his name in lights, early morning motivation, milk bank donation, trail of lights with my boys, one in candle





Sunday, December 23, 2012

Merry Almost Christmas

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and this problem I have is catching up with me. All of my adult life, I plan and prepare for events in the order they come. This has worked out thus far but, you see, I now have a kid who has a birthday 3 days before Christmas which means that my mind can't fit Christmas plans until Eddy's party is out of the way.

So tomorrow is Christmas Eve and we need to finish shopping for Christmas presents - I've literally bought 2 - and do all of our grocery shopping for Christmas dinner.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!



I hope you have a good one, I hope Mama gets her shoppin' done, and it's Christmas all over again!
                                                                                                          Tom Petty




Saturday, December 22, 2012

Dear Eddy, One Year {lump in throat}

Dear Eddy,

I'm am at once at a loss for words and bursting with things to say. I want to say everything but no matter how well I articulate how I feel, it won't come close to what is really in my heart. What is really in my heart is too big, too precious, too special for words. Sitting here on the eve of the day we met, minutes after nursing you to sleep, my mind is scrolling through thumbnails from the last 12 months.

A year. 365 days + 1 for leap day.

Pride and strength and patience and worry.

A molehill of frustrations and a mountain of triumphs.

Tears, a cup from exhaustion and gallons from happiness.

Shared naps, shared nights, shared giggles at 4 in the morning.

Bumped foreheads and bumped foreheads and bumped foreheads.

A busted lip and a bloody nipple.

Old wounds healed and smiles for strangers.

Runs and walks. Rolls and tummy time.

Winter in a Moby wrap, spring on a blanket, summer in the water, and fall on your toes.

A year since I realized my own strength.

You picked exactly the right day to come. You woke me up at 3:00 in the morning and together we worked hard. And oh was it worth it. I'd do it a thousand times over to feel you on my belly for the first time again.

I remember reading this poem in high school and being drawn to its words but mostly its style. As I read this part now, I can't believe it wasn't written by a mom.




here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings
(The first e is for Edward, naturally.)



I carried your heart in me for nine months. I cared for it a listened to it and hung on its every beat. But the thing is when you took that first gasp of air outside of me I could still feel your heart. I still feel it right now with walls between us. I will carry it always.

You made me a mom, what I've always wanted to be. I am forever grateful.

Happy birthday, my sweet boy. This has truly been the best year of my life.

I so look forward to many many more.

All of the love in my heart,
Mom

brand new us.
















Friday, December 21, 2012

Obsessed.

This week, I'm obsessed with my almost one year old.



I'm not sure there's anything better.

And this week, my almost one year old is obsessed with me. Maybe he's feeling sentimental towards the space we shared a year ago, too. Or maybe he's just teething again. His pleas of "Mamamamama" have been going on for nearly a year but there is so much more purpose and intent in that word now.

It's my favorite word. Mama. That's me.

It's  big day for us tomorrow. Can't wait.




Thursday, December 20, 2012

Reminiscing

This belly.

Maybe the tiny blue globe lights on our Christmas tree will always remind us of this belly.

Maybe the chill in the air, the first smell of the heater, the last few notes of The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole, the part that plays just a bit of Jingle Bells, will always remind us of this belly.

Maybe I will get a lump in my throat every time I hear the words "how a little baby boy could bring the people so much joy..." from Christmas Must Be Tonight by The Band because it reminds me of this belly.

I've been thinking, "One year ago I was doing _____" a lot lately. Our last pre-baby date. Our last midwife's appointment. My last belly picture with Ali. I thought I was the only one that was reminiscing until Tim walked into the kitchen holding Eddy and bent down to kiss my belly. He told Eddy that he used to do that all the time when he was in there.

It's hard to think back on a time when we didn't know who was in there. But of course it was Eddy. Of course it was.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.




Sunday, December 16, 2012

Say Thank You Sunday

I guess it's human nature to try to find reasons why things like this happen. Sometimes there may not be a reason but it should remind us to hold closer, hug tighter, listen longer.

I tend to feel pangs of guilt when I have good in my life while other people have such sadness. I need to keep reminding myself that I should never not be happy for all of this good. I will pray for families in need of comfort as well as give thanks for mine.

This week, we are thankful for:

Unplanned family naps
New breakfast spots in the neighborhood
Help around the house
Bundle up weather
Visits from brothers
Finding my running legs again
An enormous shipment of presents from California
Migas
Kid breath
Hooks
A Santa visit with unexpected laughs
An amazingly beautiful gift from friends
Lucy's freckly chest


drinks at the four seasons, first pizza, christmas lights in the neighborhood, you remind me of george p. calhoun, embracing fall, love at first fry, sunset over ut, tractor next to us on the highway, drinks with this guy





Saturday, December 15, 2012

Obsessed.

This week, I'm obsessed with messy meals.





Once you decided that you were a self-feeder, Mama feeding you is so lame. You also want whatever I have - a cup, a fork, a spoon. I handed you your own fork at dinner last night and you used it exactly the right way.

You know who else loves messy meals? Lucy. When you started eating in your high chair, she wanted no part of your healthy rejects but has since expanded her palette.

And this week, you are obsessed with feeding Lucy. Hands too dirty? Just let Lucy lick them clean! It sends you into a fit every time.


one year in one week! remember this belly?




Friday, December 14, 2012

Sandy Hook

There are truly no words. Awful doesn't even come close. I taught elementary school for 7 years and can't - don't even want to - imagine what today is like for those teachers, children, parents.

I know how fiercely they tried to protect their students - everyday, not just today - and today they couldn't do their job.

As a mom, I don't know how you go on. You should feel absolutely confident that you will pick your child up at the end of the school day.

No matter the argument, I believe wholeheartedly that guns should not be accessible to people other than law enforcement. To say that guns can protect us in such situations is backwards.

Unforgivable.

I'm watching the live news report and just heard this:
The bottom line is there are guns, they are a part of our culture, I think what we have to do in the long run, we have to find a way within our culture to give people other means of problem solving.
                                                                                                       Clint Van Zandt, Former FBI Profiler

A gun should not have been available as a means for "problem solving". And should never be.

I'm sick and angry.


**Update: I just watched an interview with a student from the school and she described what it was like when her teacher directed the class to huddle in the corner. We practiced that drill all the time and I remember the difficulty of explaining the importance without scaring them. I'm relieved it was never real. Now I can't stop crying.





Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Dear Eddy, Month 11

Dear Almost One Year Old,

I had this friend when I was younger that had an older brother who was popular at school. I remember thinking, "Man, I can't believe she lives with him and that they eat dinner together and joke around and it's so normal." My friend, my regular old friend, was related to - and lived with! - someone so cool.

That's pretty much how I've felt this past year. Except that I'm the friend that lives with the cool kid. I'm the mom with the ridiculously awesome, chubby-cheeked, always happy, super hilarious baby that everyone wants to be friends with. Everyday I can't believe that this is where I am, that you are my son.

I can't believe that I am your number one, your comforter, your favorite place to sit.

I can't believe that you want me to pick you up, that you fall asleep next to me, that I get to snuggle up to you.

I was mushy to begin with but the mushiness has reached new heights since you came into my life. I know that in the blink of an eye you will be in your own bed, you will be embarrassed if I try to comfort you when you fall, and you will prefer your dad's leather chair to my lap. But I know that I will be in awe of what's to come.

You will be a year old in 10 days.  From that point on, when I think back on moments from the year before you will be a part of all of them.

As unbelievable as this year has been it seems as though it's always been. It seems exactly right.

10 days and counting...


everyday.

I love you more today than yesterday but not as much as tomorrow.

Love,
Mama

image by www.alisoneden.com


Sunday, December 9, 2012

Say Thank You Sunday

I feel like I have to whisper this: Eddy has been fever free since Friday.

That right there is something to be thankful for.


This week, we are also thankful for:

A house full of laughter
The finish line after a long, hilly half marathon
followed by Epsom salt baths
Perfecting our spaghetti recipe
served with oven fresh garlic bread, of course
Jimmy John's delivery (it is freakishly fast, y'all)
grandmas that get along like gangbusters
baby bow legs
road-tripping parents
Eddie and Eddy Wilsons
cold fronts
helping hands
this beautiful city we call home



Run Papa Run, Deconstructed Breakfast Taco, Eddie and Eddy Wilson, Home, Hand-knit little boy scarf, Mama's boy, say "Lucy!", shirtless Saturday, Austin music on the trail


Also, I said these words to someone yesterday: Oh, he'll be 1 in two weeks.


Aaaahhhh!!!





Friday, December 7, 2012

Obsessed.

This week, I am obsessed with sick snuggles.


They're the only good thing about having a sick bud for one week. I don't want to jump to conclusions but it seems (fingers crossed) that we may finally be on the up and up.

And this week, you are the opposite of obsessed with medicine. We've had to squirt it in your mouth more than a handful of times to bring your fever down and you act like we are trying to pull your teeth out. In the middle of the night a few days ago, you were on fire so we woke up to give you a dose. Half asleep and crying in the most pathetic way, you kept signing, "all done, all done, all done." Poor guy. You were trying so hard to communicate your desperate needs.

I hate when you are feeling blue but I'm happy to be your cozy spot.




Thursday, December 6, 2012

Just in cases

We have found our perfect Christmas station. I happen to love Christmas music so it's not hard for me to find one that works but Tim prefers something more cool, less obnoxious. The Christmas Blues station on Pandora is where it's at. Last night we turned it on, popped open a couple of beers, and Eddy settled into a groove while I cooked dinner.

Happy home.

When this song came on, I got all fuzzy on the inside because it is in Love Actually, one of my favorites - not just of Christmas movies - of all time.

Press play below. Voila! So cool.




It's Love Actually season. I'll be watching it under a blanket very soon. You should too. It just might inspire something grand, like this:





I could really post a dozen clips from this movie but you should just watch it for yourself. That takes up too much bandwidth.





Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Frenulum, Frenulum, Frenulum

Long before you were born there was this incredible moment in the 2008 Summer Olympics. Michael Phelps, who was on a medal-winning tear, was competing in the 100M butterfly finals. What looked to be a very near second place finish turned out to be another gold medal for Phelps. The timing of his final stroke propelled him ahead of his closest opponent by one one-hundredth of a second. That moment had people all over the country screaming, me included. It was the very definition of exhilarating, Eddy.

One one-hundredth of a second.

That's how much I missed you by on Monday. You were Phelps and I was that Serbian swimmer and it wasn't your hand that hit the wall first. It was your face. On the arm of the rocking chair. Pop. Screaming.

I knew it was bad the instant that it happened so I did what I do when you need immediate, effective comfort - I started nursing you. You calmed down from your no-noise cry within a few seconds and when I was able to take a closer look we were both covered in blood.

I felt awful - beyond awful. You calmed down, the bleeding stopped, and you resumed play as usual. About 20 minutes later you settled down for your nap at the normal time.

We are now on day 6 of RSV - Really Sucky Virus - which has involved 6 straight days of a rising and falling fever, a hearty cough, and a runny nose. You alternate between being a happy, normal dude to being a melt down mess. When you woke up from your nap, you kept wiping your nose which caused your mouth to start bleeding again. Cookie had come over for the day and it took both of us to take a closer look. While she held your head, I opened your mouth and what I saw made me sick to my stomach. In all of that blood was an enormous flap of skin. And now it wouldn't stop bleeding. We needed to see a doctor.

Now I was feeling beyond beyond awful. When I called your dad, I lost it: "Ed is okay, we're on our way to the hospital because he busted his lip and it won't stop bleeding." Papa was on his way.

There was an incredible nurse at the registration desk at Dell Children's Hospital that took a look at your lip - your frenulum to be precise, that little flap that holds your upper lip to your gums - and told us that kids bust these all the time and that there isn't really a fix. She saved us from a copay and an eternity in the over-crowded waiting room, where I'm certain that the girl that climbed the wall in the preview of that one scary movie was in action. Papa was pulling into the parking lot just as we were walking out of the ER and you were as happy as ever to see him.

Crisis averted. RSV is still kicking your chubby tush but your mouth is just fine. Your frenulum. It's always been one of those words that I remember when I hear it but now it's stuck in my brain. I will never forget it. Frenulum.

One one-hundredth of a second. I'm so sorry you beat me.

A Popsicle was in order after a day like that. You weren't quite sure what to do with it.





Sunday, December 2, 2012

Say Thank You Sunday

The first week of December - you wouldn't be able to tell here in Austin unless you looked at a calendar. We laid low this weekend with our sick boy, hung our stockings by the kitchen table with care, and organized organized. Our home is happy right now.


This week, our family is thankful for:

fried pies
Christmas decorations
repurposed space in the house
big leather chairs
year-round Christmas lights (they're already up!)
sick snuggles
friends willing to lend a hand
easy, delicious dinners
invitations in the mail
fire fighters
fresh tortillas
homemade pancakes

22 shopping days until Christmas! (And 19 until Eddy's birthday!) Shop local, make something, but start now so that you're not in a panic (she says to herself).

new/old hand made kitchen, one year invitation envelopes, the only good thing about sick days, at the park with charlie, quinoa for lunch, snacking on a run, cheeks in the beer aisle, blinding him with science, blue christmas


What are you thankful for this week?