Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Dear Eddy, 8 Months

Dear Eddy,

There's this famous song by The Police called Every Breath You Take. It's about a pretty forlorn guy that is so love-sick that he resorts to watching every move that his beloved makes. I used to think that it was probably written post-breakup, a one-sided breakup, that left this guy so busted up that he started stalking his ex. It's really not very romantic. It's actually pretty creepy.

Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay, I'll be watching you

Creepy. And not the way back into a girl's heart.

For the last month and a half or so you have been in full-blown MamaMode. It started when we were in Colorado. Other people were just fine at arm's distance as long as you knew I was close. I figured out how to back out of a room to use the restroom while you were distracted by toys and friends and would quickly cross through rooms that you were in with a cloth diaper over my head so that you wouldn't see my face. MamaMode escalated when we returned home and things like taking a shower became an entirely new challenge. There have been numerous times when I have stuck my head out of the shower curtain while scrubbing shampoo in my hair and playing peek-a-boo. You are also perfecting the word "MaaaMaaa!" which adds to the urgency of your desires.

I'm your #1 gal. And in moments of frustration or exhaustion I have to remind myself to savor this. There will come a day when I am no longer your #1 and I hope to be ready for that day. I hope to have held on to you for long enough, to have picked you up enough times, to have held you tightly enough when you were scared, to have kissed you enough times when you bonk your head, to have smelled your hair every time you snug against my shoulder, and to have appreciated that my mere proximity is enough to fill your entire being with joy.

Savor because right now we are in stalker mode. MamaMode. I used to think that poor Sting was brokenhearted and confused about how to love. But I think that maybe that song was actually written by an 8 month old genius baby that was obsessed with his mom.

Oh, can't you see you belong to me
How my poor heart aches with every step you take

Baby translation: Mom. Hey Mom. Moooom! Down here! 
No no - don't walk away! Mom seriously! I need you this second!

I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace

Baby translation: Hey Mom, you're so cozy. Let's snuggle.
Hey Mom? Where'd you go? No, you can't get up to use the restroom!
Your armpit is the only place that I want to sleep.

Don't worry. I love you so much that I can make light of this current obsession. In the grand scheme I know that it is fleeting. I made a choice to be your mom this way and I will not quit. I will wake up each day recharged and rejuvenated and ready for whatever you have in store.

And, yes, (future me, fellow moms) I know that when the day comes that I am no longer #1 that I probably won't be ready. That's okay. I will get through. I will read this post. I WILL NOT enter EddyMode, stalker, Every Breath You Take mode. Mark my word.

I love you, kid. You little creep.


Oh hey, Mom.

Wait. Mom!


Hey. Just wanted to tell you that I love you.


  1. I love this post! I had a baby boy like that...his name is Connor and he always wanted me to be holding him and he would just cry and cry if I wasn't. It was so bad that, for a short period of time, my father-in-law nicknamed him "Tumor" because he was constantly attached to me. Of course, that phase didn't last too long - he is now 14 years old! We have four kids (12, 14, 16, and 19) and Connor is still my sweetest, most loving child.

  2. Oh this post is so sweet, and your son adorable!! Yes, I remember those days of feeling the baby was literally 'stuck' to me 24/7...they don't last (thank goodness for a little alone time is definitely needed to not feel smothered). However, I have found that my son at three is still very snuggly (which I adore)...way more than his older sister ever was. So maybe little boys never really get over this 'love affair' they have with their mothers!?

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  3. Such an endearing post. It had me chuckling the whole time...makes me want to have a kid lol. Wait did I just say that?? I know I grew up this way. One thing is for sure he will grow up with a very kind heart! But if the ladies happen to break his heart he may need an extra day or two to get over it because he may be a softie haha. Thanks for helping me understand the origins of Sting's song.


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