Thursday, June 28, 2012

A quiet corner

I've always wanted to keep a journal but could never quite get the swing. The idea sounds so lovely and the outcome is a winding recount of where your mind was over years and years. It must be fun to read back over entries from years past. But, like I said, I could never quite get the swing.

So I started blogging when I was pregnant. I felt like I had a lot of thoughts that I wanted to remember and knew that, as my mind filled with more and more thoughts of baby, that I might not be able to find all of these memories down the road. I'm very thankful to have written while I was pregnant. I like looking back at these entries from time to time and thinking of the baby I now know and how he was already showing his personality in utero. I also like to look back at how utterly in love I was with my belly. I have never been more in awe of my body and the work I was doing.

I have continued to write although the time to do so has become considerably more sparse. I will steal the occasional moment while Eddy naps but something more important, like laundry or vacuuming (so domestic!) usually takes precedent. And I refuse to blog while Ed is awake. How boring staring at a screen is compared to squeezing those cheeks.

I had a thought a few weeks ago to start taking one evening a week to go to a coffee shop by myself, Tim could get some rare one-on-one with Eddy, and I could write if I felt so inspired.

Tonight is my first big outing. Tim dropped me off at a coffee shop in the neighborhood and he and Eddy took off to run an errand and hang. I was positively giddy when I got out of the car and did something I haven't done in at least 6 months: I moseyed. I think the last time I can recall moseying is near the end of my pregnancy when Lucy and I would go for strolls. So I moseyed into the coffee shop, ordered a beer, and opened my laptop. I'm surrounded by people studying and reading. I love it.

I've been a handful of places by myself since Eddy was born. I've gotten my haircut, run to the grocery store, things like that, but this time right now feels very luxurious. This is just time for me to open my brain and let my fingers find words on the keyboard.

I must make something clear - I LOVE being with Eddy all day. Truly love it. Couldn't imagine a better way to spend my day. I think this one night a week will do my mind some good, though. Let this blog entry NOT serve as a horror story of the dwindling alone time that is motherhood.

Maybe instead let it serve as a personal testimony of how I have reclaimed a small corner of my brain. Let this corner not be filled with recipes, nap time, washing diapers, play dates, and appointments. Those thoughts can have the majority of my brain. I'm happy for them to. That means I'm a mom. Instead of actively working on all those thoughts I will just write about them :)

All I ask is for a corner. Just a cabinet, or a shelf, or really just a drawer is fine. One little spot to put my words makes me one happy mama.


Thanks, Papa T. Hope you're having fun!

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You look really pretty today.

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