Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Kacie the Grouch

Since December 22 (and long before if you're keeping score), I've had my share of not-so-fine moments. They are usually directed at Tim and they usually come from me snowballing an emotion into something not at all appropriate for the situation. I think these moments usually hit Tim like a ton of bricks: Whoa, where'd that come from?

Tonight, I had another one of those moments.

No matter how many times I've been told, or no matter how many times I tell myself, hanging out with a baby all day is doing something. But there are days when Tim comes home and I feel like I haven't done a thing. While I did run a few errands today, I had a list of things to do at home and none of them got done. The dishwasher remained full of clean dishes, the hamper remained full of dirty laundry, blog posts remained in the draft folder, and the floors remained un-vacuumed. Now I must make something very clear - Tim has never ever, not once even hinted at the fact that he wishes I would have gotten more done in the day. He has never ever, not once implied that he wishes dinner was waiting for him when he got home. He is about 50 times more helpful than the average husband so all of these feelings are completely self-inflicted.

Today when he came home things went as they usually do - I handed Eddy over to him, not because I'm tired of holding a baby, but because I really really want him to have fun with his son before things wind down for bedtime. Tim hung with Eddy while I made dinner, we traded off so I could nurse and Tim brought dinner to the table. We ate a family meal and then started to clean up together. Whenever Eddy is in Tim's hands I shift into hyper-drive and attempt to get everything done that is undone. After cleaning the kitchen I announced that I was going to give Lucy a bath. While I was bathing her, Tim answered a call from his dad and talked with him while holding Eddy. Once Lucy was clean and sparkly I prepared Eddy's bath. Tim brought Eddy into me, still on the phone with his dad, and I noticed that his eyelids were already heavy and he was nearly sleeping on Tim's chest. I bathed him and by the end Tim was off the phone so he came and pulled Eddy out of the tub. Really, no part of our nightly routine had been interrupted but something about Tim being on the phone while I was doing those 2 things made my frustrations bottleneck at the front of my brain. Tim could tell I was irked but when asked what was wrong, my reply was, of course, "Nothing."

Tim dressed Eddy for bed and I carried on, switching loads of laundry and responding to unanswered emails while silently grumbling, "... do I have to do everything around here... yes, or it doesn't get done..." I knew this moment of hands-free independence was fleeting because I'm the one with the boob that can put him down to sleep. I could hear Eddy's cries turning into the mom-I'm-sleepy cries but without me noticing, the cries stopped.

And just a bit later, on my way to switch a load of laundry, I peered through the dining room and saw this:

Isn't that enough to clear a bottleneck of grouchiness right up?

So the next time I'm feeling all matriarchal and telling myself that I'm the only one that can do things, I will just swallow down a piece of humble pie and tell myself to relax. Most things just aren't worth the heartache.

And while, yes, I'm the only one with the boob, turns out I'm not the only one that can put Eddy to sleep.

Papa done good.


  1. :) For me personally, part of the challenge of marriage is recognizing the difference between my neurosis and his faults. It's not that he's doing things wrong - he's just not doing them like I have pictured in my head. ;) He knows this and loves me anyway.

    1. Timberley - I get frustrated at times and then have to remind myself that he is not a mind reader. I guess patience and tolerance are pretty important traits in a partner.


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