Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Dear Eddy, Month 5

Dear Eddy,

This month, my baby boy, you have started to feel like a big boy. You are doing very big baby-like things, like rolling and scooting and reaching out for people (and dogs) that you love. I think that one thing that really made me realize how much you are growing up is the arrival of your little friend, Charlie. Our friends, John and Kathryn, welcomed a very big, healthy boy earlier this month and we went to meet him when he was about a week old. While I got new baby snuggle time, Charlie's grandmother snuggled you. He felt like just a little nugget in my arms even though he weighed more than 10 pounds at birth. Cradling his tiny head, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, taking in his newborn-ness jolted me back to your spankin' new days. We all marveled at the difference between the two of you. In just 4 short months, you are a totally different baby. In the grand scheme, you are still brand new but the difference between a newborn and a four month old is incredible. By the time we came out of our new-parent fog, you were no longer a newborn. It feels like an eternity ago and a minute ago at the same time. Trading Charlie back for you before we left, I couldn't believe that you used to feel that light in my arms. You are verging on 20 pounds and I don't feel the constant worry that I may break you.

And then, just a few weeks later, I got a newborn day back. We went in for your 5 month round of shots, a combo you'd had before, and that evening you had your first adverse reaction. You started feeling crabby and sleepy and were running a low fever. We settled in for bedtime and had a pretty normal night. The next day went like this: {cry, nurse, sleep} repeat. Your cries didn't last long, nursing soothed you right away, and you didn't want to be put down to sleep. So I found myself on the couch again, with a baby in my arms and on my chest, all day. The beautiful part this time around was that I was aware that this was precious time. Since you have become more active and we spend our days doing fun things, we don't get that sweet cuddle time as much. But on that crabby, sleepy, fever day, all you needed was me. I wasn't happy that you weren't feeling well but I was in heaven being your soother.

There really is nothing like holding a newborn, a brand new human. My heart swells and my throat tightens when I think about the fleeting moment that it was. It is time that I cherish.

But I also cherish today. And tomorrow.

I love you.


7 days new. The whole world in my hands.

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You look really pretty today.

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